Post by Richard Rider on Jul 26, 2022 21:57:30 GMT -5
(The cameras catch up in the back with Richard Rider in his locker room. It looks all torn up as if he was looking for something but couldn't find it.)
Richard Rider: I SWEAR TO GOD IM GONNA GRILL THAT HUNK OF SEAFOOD
(He continues to throw things around, looking for whatever it is, when Carmen Fernandez walks in the room.)
Carmen Fernandez: Uh... Richard? Can I have a moment?
(He lets out an exacerbated sigh as he stops looking and stands up straight. He turns around and looks at her with frustration on his face)
Richard Rider: Unless you know where my hairbrush is... no!
Carmen Fernandez: Just use one at the hair and makeup area?
Richard Rider: NO! Its not the same I bet they have just plain old plastic hair brushes! NO! I need my special brush. The bristles are specially formulated to be perfect for my hair. The handle is custom made to fit my hand. You think these lucious locks just MAKE themselves? NO!
Carmen Fernandez: Well that sounds like an expensive brush... where do you think it could be?
Richard Rider: I bet that awful Calamari stole it.
Carmen Fernandez: The Squid-Man?
Richard Rider: YES! I don't know why he has been stealing my stuff... but he has! It's disturbing. He's probably got some weird voodoo doll of me, or a shrine to me or something. It's really creepy.
Carmen Fernandez: Or maybe he just has sticky fingers?
(Richard looks at her for a second)
Richard Rider: That's ... disgusting. Anyways, what brings you here? Just to annoy me at the worst possible moment?
Carmen Fernandez: I just wanted to get a quick interview with you for the website before your match against The Squid-Man at Rise To Glory.
Richard Rider: WELL I refuse to go on camera with my hair like this. I am a hollywood hearthrob and I can't be seen in this capacity!
Carmen Fernandez: Um... you kind of already are... on a live stream to boot.
(He panicked and grabbed a hat and covered his head when he noticed the camera.)
Richard Rider: You want some words for Calamari? How about this... at Rise To Glory I plan to put an end to him and his weird ways. He is probably walking around the back right now, saying the only thing he is intelligent enough to say. "I am a squid" ... like a god damned moron.. Then his potato toting tag partner can deal with him.
(He gets right up in the camera)
Richard Rider: GO STEAL SOME ONE ELSE'S SHIT! PLUS! YOU OWE ME $500 FOR MY BRUSH YOU POOR EXCUSE FOR SUSHI!
(With that he pushed the camera man out the door and Carmen followed. He went back to looking for his brush, muttering under his breath)
Richard Rider: I've never liked seafood... but I think im gonna try some after I beat the shit out of Squid-man. I HATE THAT GUY!!!
(Rider lets out an annoyed growl as he keeps looking, throwing things everywhere, as the scene fades to black)
Post by The Squid-Man on Jul 26, 2022 22:10:52 GMT -5
*The camera opens on the Squid-Man residence. The Squid-Man unpacks his duffle bag. Well, not HIS duffle bag, more the bag he stole from one Richard Rider. He opens the bag, then pulls another one on-screen and opens it up, then another, then another, then another, and then… another. He starts by reaching into one of the bags and pulling out a tripod, extending it out all the way and standing it up. He then grabs a selfie stick, one of the many, MANY selfie sticks he stole from Rider, and attaches it to the tripod, connecting it with another tripod to make the base for a fort. Before he continues, he crawls between the two tripods to see if he can, and once he realizes he can, he starts building post-haste, grabbing some soft materials, mostly Rider’s fur coats, and laying them on the structures. Pulling out a burlap sack, he looks it up and down, wondering what’s inside. He opens the bag and turns it upside-down and a flurry of mirrors fly out of it onto the floor. Mirrors of all kinds, shapes and sizes, until finally it’s gone. He hits the side of the bag and more start pouring out, seeming to defy the laws of physics for how they could all have been in there. This goes on for 48 consecutive seconds before he finally puts the bag down and hangs it gently from one of the tripods.*
*Squiddy then grabs a pair of sunglasses from another bag, putting them on over his mask and picking up one of the dozens of mirrors from the floor to look at himself. He then exchanges it with another pair, followed by another, and another, and another, and finally he decides on one of the pairs, putting the others down, and rests the pair he chose on top of the fort he made. He then goes into one of the bags, grabbing a tank top and some scissors, cutting it up and making a little curved piece, which he uses a glue stick to stick on under the sunglasses, making a smiley face. He stands back, proud of his work, and is about to get into it when he realizes it’s missing something. Unsatisfied, he grabs a pillow from his couch, and rests it on top. He nods, then pauses and realizes it’s not enough, so he grabs another pillow and balances it on top of the first. He grabs a third pillow, and then a couch cushion, stacking them all on top of each other, making his pillow fort extra tall. He’s about to get inside of his couch cushion monstrosity when he revs up for a sneeze.*
Squid-Man: I… I… IIIIIII…
*He stops himself, heading into the fort, which is surprisingly sturdy in its current form, despite staggeringly large structural weaknesses. He peeks his head out, giving a thumbs-up to the camera, but before he can say his signature catch (and only) phrase, he completes the sneeze from before.*
*The pillow fort crumbles, the structural integrity collapsing in on itself as the tripods can no longer hold the weight of the multiple couch cushions haphazardly stacked on top of them with only a few flimsy coats and shirts to hold them up, and Squid-Man is soon buried in a mountain of soft things of his own creation. The mountain is his creation I mean, not the soft things. Well, I mean, he didn’t create the concept of mountains, he created just this one mountain this one time. Y’know what, phrasing be damned, you know what I fucking mean.*
*With one hand sticking out of the pillow fort’s remains, Squid shakily gives a thumbs-up, weakly stating the one and only thing he ever says.*
Squid-Man: I… am… a squid.