Post by Laura Phoenix - HBIC on Aug 30, 2021 20:17:29 GMT -5
September 7th 2021 PWS:APEX PRESENTS RIOT
Pittsburg, PA - PPG Paints Arena
Mike Hawk vs. Spuds Guzzman Jr.
RP Deadline is Monday, September 6th at 11:59 pm est
1 rp each. 300 words minimum, 5000 word maximum
Post by Spuds Guzzman Jr. on Sept 3, 2021 17:56:37 GMT -5
Over a black screen, reads a quote.
“What we need is a few good taters.” - Samwise Gamgee
It’s followed by some rolling shots of a potato farm in Idaho, accompanied by relaxing elevator music, as a males voice narrates.
“Life is simple down here on Guzzman farms. Just hard work and good people. It’s here we bring you the best potatoes on planet earth. We are #1 potato supplier for the country of Andorra. That’s all we want to bring you here at Guzzman farms. Good people, and good potatoes.”
The scene cuts to a potato farmer,leaning against a wooden fence, straw in his mouth, straw hat, and potato in his hand tossing it around like one might an apple.
Spuds - Hi. I’m Spuds Guzzman Jr, I’m the heir to this here farm, and lover of all things potato, in all it’s magnificent forms. Boil Em, Mash Em, Stick em in a stew, you name it. The potato is the single best food on the planet, because it’s always great any time of day. From Hashbrowns to french fries to baked potatoes. Here on Guzzman farms, we take great care in our product and only deliver the best most delicious potatoes. It’s truly what we live for.
Spuds, still tossing the potato gets a sad look in his eye.
Spuds - But times have been rough, you know Covid-19 and all that. We need some extra money comin’ in to keep our family farm so I decided to bring my farm hand to you PWS. I figure I could give the ol’ wrasslin’ a shot. How hard can it be? I wrestle with my little brother Tater Tot all the time. I hope this Mike Hawk fellow is ready to get a dosage of POTATO POWER. But whatever happens, you know what will always be there to pick you up?
He smiles at the potato in his hand.
Spuds - The ever satisfying potato.
With that, he takes a huge bite of raw potato as though it were an apple, and gives a hearty thumbs up to the camera.
Post by Mike Hawk on Sept 4, 2021 15:20:38 GMT -5
*On a bright summery fall day, a farm exists, and is being filmed. A potato farm, to be exact. And on that farm, very prominently, there is a Hawk. Mike Hawk. E-I-E-I-O. He’s dressed in a typical farmer’s outfit, including an oversized straw hat. He’s sitting on a lawn chair in the middle of a field full of potatoes.*
Mike Hawk: Ahh, nothing like the farm life to remind you how fucking boring the real world is.
*He chews on some straw, and eats it, swallowing it down without a second thought.*
Mike: Which brings me to my opponent, who only farms disappointment and shame to the Guzzman family.
*He looks around at all the potatoes.*
Mike: And he seems to be obsessed with potatoes. He farms them, he eats them, I wouldn’t be surprised if he fucks them!
*Mike picks up a raw potato, taking a large bite out of it, then spitting it out.*
Mike: Ech! How does he do that!? Fuckin’ weirdo. Well, regardless, he can’t be any worse than Voldemort Jackson in terms of sheer, unbridled insanity.
*He stands up, grabbing a scythe that was leaning against the barn.*
Mike: But that doesn’t mean a man named Spuds has any chance against me. I’m Mike Hawk god dammit! I’m the Destination NEXT winner! I’m the man who’s beaten everyone he’s ever faced, but don’t look it up! I’m the guy who successfully proved there are two sasquatches! PETA still isn’t returning my calls about that…
*He walks up to a huge patch of potatoes.*
Mike: And here’s what I think of your fucking potatoes!
*Mike takes the scythe and slices through the potatoes violently, destroying them in a scene that would be rated NC-17 if the potatoes were people. Afterwards, he stops, looking dead into the camera as it gets weirdly close to him.*
Mike: And let me tell you something, Mr. Guzzman. You think just because you eat potatoes that you have strength? You think potatoes give you power? The will to carry on? Well, you don’t know power until you’ve felt the strength of Mike Hawk. Mike Hawk is the strongest there is. Nothing, and nobody, can beat Mike Hawk.
*He smirks, taking off his overalls to reveal blue jeans and a shirt that says on it, “I Kicked Richard Rider’s Ass and All I Got Was This Stupid T-Shirt”. He grabs one of the leftover halves of a potato.*
Mike: Especially not someone like you! Look at you, you're 100 pounds soaking wet! I could beat your ass with both of my shoulders taped to the mat!
*Hawk chuckles to himself.*
Mike: And don’t ever let anyone tell you that the accomplishments of your father will rub off on you. Your father makes potatoes, for fuck’s sake. You’re a wrestler. Those two professions could not be more different if you were half Olympic swimmer, half Wal-Mart greeter!
*He smirks again, sitting back down.*
Mike: So you’re Spuds Guzzman the second, are you?
*He crushes the half-potato in his hand.*
Mike: Prepare to be Spuds Guzzman the nonth.
*Suddenly, Spuds Guzzman Sr. comes out of the barn and sees his potato crop destroyed. Hawk runs over and FIYA’s him before hopping the fence and walking off the Guzzman family farm.*