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Post by Laura Phoenix - HBIC on Jan 3, 2021 21:34:03 GMT -5
PWS: APEX presents RIOT Tuesday, January 12, 2021 LIVE from PWS Arena in New York, NY
Singles Match Mike Hawk vs Richard Rider
CARD SUBJECT TO CHANGE
RP Deadline Sunday, January 10, at 11:59pm EST 1 RP 300 word minimum/5000 word maximum
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Post by Mike Hawk on Jan 8, 2021 17:33:55 GMT -5
*The camera starts focused on a red carpet, then zooming out as a voice welcomes us to the 2021 Golden Globe award ceremony. Cutting inside, a bunch of people are sat on far-too-expensive looking seats. Cutting to a fancy stage, the camera does a brief panning shot, as a velvety red curtain opens, a spotlight shining down onto the stage. On said stage, a podium is sat, with 2 different microphones sticking out of it. The announcing voice from before says, "Now welcome your two hosts, Martin Van Hammer and Bethany Lopez!" A man and a woman walk out on stage, both dressed in exceptionally fancy attire, the man in a tuxedo and the woman in a sparkling red dress and high heels to match. They start bantering back and forth, Martin joking about how Bethany's looking old, and Bethany making a remark about the size of Martin's penis, all to the audience's wild enjoyment. They call out that the announcement will be made for "Best Actor", with the choices of Brendan Shoe in "Military Ducks", Kevin Vanderbuge in "Platypusman Begins", Lawrence McLawrence in "Lawrence: The Lawrence McLawrence Story", and Paul the Turtle in "2 Hours of a Turtle Eating a Watermelon". After a short clip from each movie, the envelope is opened. Bethany is about to read the result, when all of a sudden, a familiar face runs on-stage and charges at the two hosts, violently pushing the woman out of the way and delivering a cutter-looking move to the man through the (apparently) breakaway podium. Mr. Van Hammer lies there, twitching but otherwise motionless, while Mike Hawk stands up, picks up one of the microphones from the wreckage of the podium, grabs the open envelope, and turns to the speechless, flabbergasted, terrified audience, giving a clearly fake, "Hollywood" smile.*
Mike: And the winner is... me! And since I'm the only one with this envelope, none of you can prove it isn't!
*There's a smattering of applause, but mostly the audience stays completely silent. Hawk picks up the still pristine award, holding it up and displaying it proudly*
Mike: Thank you, thank you, I'm truly honoured. Before I can truly accept this award, there are a few people I need to thank. I'd like to thank my mom, for... y'know, putting up with me. My dad, for not being an alcoholic. The dark lord Satan... he knows why. The academy... I'm not sure why on that one, but everyone who ever makes one of these speeches thanks the academy. So, thanks for nothing, you fucking egotistical douches!
*Another brief pause is taken as Hawk displays the award again, accompanied by a second smattering of applause, but seemingly slightly less than last time.*
Mike: But most of all... I'd like to thank Richard Rider. For proving that anyone, and I do mean ANYONE, can be hired by Hollywood if they sleep with the right people and have a halfway decently-forged acting degree. Because you see, Mr. Rider doesn't seem to realize that not only am I better than him, but so is... hmm, let's see, everyone else in Hollywood! But don't just take my word for it. Here's the opinion of professional movie man Martin Van Hammer!
*At this, Hawk leans down, pointing the microphone in the face of the unconscious man, as he does a fake voice to pretend to be him, though it's clearly far too high-pitched*
Mike: Richard Rider? That guy sucks!
*Mike stands back up, a cheeky smirk on his face, as he nods slowly, looking around at the bewildered people.*
Mike: See? He agrees! But the man who intentionally calls himself Dick Rider isn't just a terrible actor, he's also a terrible wrestler! He's a man of many awful, awful talents. And, you see, that's the beauty of it. I stick to one thing, and I'm the absolute best at it, no questions asked, but don't look it up because the internet lies. Professor Buttsex, on the other hand, chose to go for quantity over quality, not caring how good the end product was, as long as a lot of people could see him do it. But hey, he should be proud of himself! Because that's the most Hollywood thing he's ever done. Now if only we could give his face an unnecessary reboot.
*Hawk exhales sharply at his own joke, then turns back to the audience*
Mike: But really, what can be said about the man that Hollywood wishes it could forget that hasn't already been said in a million fan letters to his many colleagues? ...How about this? Dick, when we step into the squared circle... or the circled square, or the triangular hexagon, or the trapezoidal rhombus, whatever the case, wherever we step, I will kick your fucking ass! ...Wait, there are kids in this audience. Sorry, butt. I'll kick your fucking butt. And there's not a goddamn thing you can do to stop me. And do you know why?
*He leans in close to the microphone, holding it right up to his mouth*
Mike: Because you know, in your heart, that I'm better than you. But your fragile ego is too cracked and frail to admit it. And when I'm through with you, you'll be a shadow of your former self. You'll be more disappointed than when your fancy imported shampoo arrives a day late. More heartbroken than when one of your depraved fans doesn't ask you to sign her breasts. More devastated than when a director tells you that your pathetic, heartbroken delivery of "I'm so lonely" is too real.
*Bringing the mic back to a decent distance from himself, he gives a knowing smirk*
Mike: And finally, I'd also like to thank PWS: Apex, for putting me against the nobody of nobodies, the worst of the worst, the bottom of the "bottom of the barrel" barrel. I seriously appreciate it!
*Mike is suddenly approached on either side by 2 tough-looking bodyguards*
Mike: ...Excuse me for one second.
*The camera cuts to the stage door, leading outside. It's night time, and there are a bunch of limousines sanctioned on the street, awaiting celebrities. Mike emerges from the door, still holding the award, now with a mask on, because Covid.*
Mike: I'm keeping this!
*Hawk starts walking towards one of the many stretched vehicles parked on the street*
Mike: I think I've said all I need to about this ass-bandit. Now then, in the words of an immortal cartoon character...
*He gets into the back of the limo, saying his final line right before closing the door*
Mike: That's all, folks!
*He closes the door of the limousine, which starts to drive off, leaving the person it was intended for chasing it down, making him winded and panting as it drives out of sight. The celebrity in question sighs, rolling his eyes*
Celebrity: Wrestlers...
*He walks off into the night, grumbling to himself, as the camera slowly fades to black*
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