Pre-Riot
PUT ON YOUR WAR PAINT!!!
“You are a brick tied to me that’s dragging me down.
Strike a match and I’ll burn you to the ground.
We are the jack-o-lanterns in July,
Setting fire to the sky,
Here it comes, it’s the rising tide!
SO COME ON!”
PUT ON YOUR WAR PAINT!!!
(The familiar scene of The Complex where long-time PWS legend Mack McKane conducted his…”experiments”...where he housed his “Freekz” Excellent. That was simply excellent.
…because Mack McKane abandoned you.
We see a crotch rocket come flying through the gravel of the abandoned rock quarry as it peels to a stop kicking up a cloud of dust. The kickstand hits and the rider steps off. Without taking his helmet off, the figure walks to the front door of The Complex. The two behemoths guarding the door look at each other and promptly stand aside as the man walks into The Complex taking his helmet off.
What was Jesse Russow doing in Mack McKane’s Complex?
Contrary to its usual dulcet tones of screams, everything seems quiet. Meticulous. Jesse thinks nothing of it as he saunters down the Hall as Freekz start awakening and flocking to him. Suddenly we hear a crashing bang against an iron door coming from the end of the corridor.As a disheveled, tired looking scientist rush up as Jesse looks curiously.)
Jesse Russow: How is he?
Beleaguered Scientist: His violent tendencies are still giving us problems.
Jesse Russow: What do you MEAN, “problems”. You SAID you could HANDLE this, KEN..
Ken The Scientist: I’m doing my best, Mr. Russow! You’ve seen what he’s capable of…he’s filled up seven of the beds in the medical ward just because they approached him wrong!
Jesse Russow: Seven beds…really. Fascinating.
Ken The Scientist: I…I can’t keep doing this anymore. I use my gifts to HEAL, not break a man until he’s submissive!
Jesse Russow: No…not submissive. If he wants to harm…he will be allowed. You just make sure he takes my direction. Are we clear?
Ken The Scientist: Crystal. And I refuse.
(Jesse turns and bares down on poor Ken absolutely trumping him before he relaxes with a chuckle as he straightens the lapel of Ken’s lab coat.)
Jesse Russow: You’ve been an invaluable asset, Ken. You are, of course, free to do as you please…
(Jesse extends a hand towards the door.)
Jesse Russow: …who am I to stand in your way?
(Ken looks at Jesse INCREDIBLY untrusting, and for good reason, the Freekz had started cackling and taunting. As Ken goes to walk past Jesse, Jesse grabs his arm one last time.)
Jesse Russow: I’ll truly miss you Ken. And I’m sorry you couldn’t figure this out.
(Jesse pats him on the arm as Ken skiddishly takes three more steps.)
Jesse Russow: Of course…unfiltered and disobedient…I can’t guarantee what he’s going to do to these poor, FICKLE little bitches when I set him loose on them.
(Ken stops and turns back towards Jesse shaking.)
Jesse Russow: BUT! You stuck to your guns and your morals, and I can respect that! I’m just glad…you’re at peace…and you did EVERYTHING…you…could. To stop it.
Ken The Scientist: …y-you can’t be serious! He needs to be in a mental institution! He needs professional help from people better than me!
Jesse Russow: YOU WERE THE HIGHEST QUALIFIED CANDIDATE WE INTERVIEWED! But it’s fine! There’s ZERO hard feelings! Just…keep an eye on the papers, eh?
(Jesse shoots him a wink and starts to turn back towards the door as Ken hangs his head and exhales defeated.)
Ken The Scientist: …I’ll do it. But not for you.
(Jesse turns and looks at Ken with a confused look on his face as Ken gets defiant.)
Ken The Scientist: I’m doing it in hope that I can save at least one poor soul to keep it off that broken man’s conscience.
Jesse Russow: How very noble of you.
Ken The Scientist: You are a monster.
Jesse Russow: Aww. Rude!
(Jesse PIMP slaps the taste out of Ken’s mouth as the Freekz get excited. Ken doubles over holding his cheek as Jesse leans down behind him whispering coldly.)
Jesse Russow: …I don’t like RUDE, Kenneth. Do watch your tongue. Now…tell me how far we are on the trigger words.
Ken The Scientist: …th-...that’s the one place we made the most progress. The trigger sets him off but we’re still having a bit of trouble with the diffuser.
Jesse Russow: I’m not worried about the diffuser taking root right away…so long as the trigger is in motion.
(Jesse hears another loud roar and a pound on the door as we shift down the corridor THROUGH said IRON door that is starting to show a few decent sized dents as the mammoth of a man trapped inside throws his entire body into it one more time roaring. He turns and he paces around seething as he roars…)
Slaps McKill: Let me OUTTA HERE!!!
(From the other side of the door we hear Jesse start to feign concern for his “friend” as we hear him scream…)
Jesse Russow: OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? OPEN THE DOOR!
(After a few uneasy moments, the wheel of the door spins and the seal cracks but before it can slowly open it’s viciously grabbed and flung open as hard as he can muster. Standing in shredded jeans, a ripped half hanging off T-Shirt, and absolutely dripping in sweat…this was no longer Slappy McGoo. He’d been transformed…he’d been…changed. He looks up through squinting eyes adjusting to the lights since he’s been in complete darkness for who knows how long. He raises a massive paw over his eyes as he looks and exclaims…)
Slaps McKill: …J-...Jesse? What is this? What’s going on!?
Jesse Russow: Slap! Slap! Slap! It’s okay buddy…it’s okay…you were having another episode.
Slaps McKill: Oh…oh Gosh…oh I didn’t hurt nobody did I?
Jesse Russow: …yes Slaps…you did…but they were bad, bad people.
Slaps McKill: I don’t wanna hurt no one no more!
Jesse Russow: Don’t think of it as hurting! You’re not going out there to hurt, right! It’s professional wrestling, it’s staaaaged! Don’t you wanna finally, FINALLY be respected? FINALLY have that title?
(Jesse walks up and puts a hand on Slaps shoulders as Slaps looks so confused. Like an abandoned puppy on the side of a highway who has no concept of danger, just fear of the unknown. Jesse coldly whispers in Slap’s ear.)
Jesse Russow: …don’t you want to make MAGGIE proud? Hmm? Maybe see her again?
Slaps McKill: *tearing up* Don’t. Please, don’t!
Jesse Russow: It’s the only way they’ll come back, Slaps…it’s the only way to convince them you’re NOT a loser! C’mon big guy! I believe in you! Just…remember.
Slaps McKill: P-Please…don’t make me.
Jesse Russow: We are going. Slap. You need this. You know you do.
Slaps McKill: Just…just stop me before…before I-
Jesse Russow: I will, Slaps, I will! I’m here for you!
(Jesse hugs Slaps and then helps him up and leads him to the back of the security van as Slaps steps up inside and plops down surrounded by some kinder looking freaks to keep him company as the door shuts and Jesse turns to the scientist.)
Jesse Russow: “Exterminate” to trigger, and what was to diffuse?
Scientist: “Dispel”
Jesse Russow: …oh this is gonna be a RIOT! No pun intended…but happily noted! Load up, Ken. You’re about to get a first hand performance review!
(Jesse saunters up to the main rumbler to take his spot…he looks over at the other throne. It sits empty…he wasn’t sure how Cameron would feel about this plan and he felt terrible leaving her out of the loop but…this was to benefit HER too!Surely she’d see that…surely they’d ALL see that! As we roar off towards the arena…Slappy uses the whole way there to think.)
“CAN YOU TELL FROM THE LOOK IN OUR EYES!?
WE’RE GOING NOWHERE!!!!
WE LIVE OUR LIVES LIKE WE’RE READY TO DIE!!!
…WE’RE GOING NOWHERE!!!!”
“C-Can’t we just TALK about this fer a second!?”(Slappy hears echoing in his head…as the memory plays back all too clear of the worst night of his life. He’d come home to find a bustling Jami packing her bags. When he walked in and saw, she stopped in her tracks. Her blood ran cold.)
Slappy McGoo: Wh-Where ya goin’?
Jami Burnett: I’m…I’m sorry, Herbie. I thought I’d be packed and gone before you got home.
Slappy McGoo: Gone? Like, GONE gone!?
Jami Burnett: …yeah…like GONE, gone.
(Tears INSTANTLY filled Slappy’s eyes both in memory and in person as he painfully remembers baby Maggie tugging on his pants leg as he reaches down to pick her up.)
Slappy McGoo: Oh Maggie…my Maggers. Tell her she’s makin’ a mistake!
Jami Burnett: Don’t you dare. Don’t bring her into this!
Slappy McGoo: …so I’m just supposeda pretend my DAUGHTER don’t exist!? NOW you’re fraggin’ high. What is this? Where is this coming from?
Jami Burnett: Everywhere I go…it’s “Hey! It’s Slappy’s wife!” and I left the spotlight for a REASON. I don’t like it, it’s not me, and CLEARLY it means the world to you so…I've just gotta go figure this out for myself.
Slappy McGoo: Wha-? Whattya mean it means the world to me? YOU mean the world ta me! Jami yer not makin’ sense!
Jami Burnett: I’ll…just…I’ll explain one day but for now, we gotta go.
Slappy McGoo: We? I’m comin’ with you now?
Jami Burnett: …no.
(Slappy suddenly has a flash of realization and cuddles Maggie tighter to him.)
Slappy McGoo: No. I won’t let you.
Jami Burnett: Slap you know she’s still feeding and it’ll just be temporary until we figure this all out! Come on, don’t be this way.
Slappy McGoo: I will lay down my life before I let you pry the most important thing in this world from me.
Jami Burnett: Herbert, I don’t want to have the police involved.
Slappy McGoo: CALL the police, she stays with ME! YOU should stay with me! WHY are you running again!?
Jami Burnett: BECAUSE…BECAUSE I DON’T *LOVE* YOU ANYMORE!!!
(Those words were a shotgun blast to Slappy’s heart as he takes a step back sitting slowly on the couch almost zoning out looking into the face of Maggie…his precious baby girl…as she pats his face laughing, suddenly she’s ripped from his grasp and before Slappy can react, Jami has grabbed her bag and Maggie and before she shuts the door she tearfully says…)
Jami Burnett: I’m…I’m sorry Slap…
Slappy McGoo: No you’re not…and I wish I never met you.
(Tears rain down Slap’s face as they roar off to make their presence known.)
-After Riot-
(We see a fire burning brightly in a barrel as Jesse Russow and Slaps McKill walk up to it to warm their hands. Jesse rocks back and forth with a smug and pleased look on his face…Slaps? Slaps just stares intently into the fire as Jesse begins to speak.)
Jesse Russow: See? I warned you all…I warned you all NOT to poke the beast lest you deal with the consequences, yeah? You got to watch a live attempted murder that was all completely legal! GOOD for you, ya skank-ass little leeches! No matter how much blood, no matter how many severed body parts, no matter how much human excrement is left all over that arena it is never ENOUGH for you goons! And so THAT’S where WE come in, babe. We are purebred, 100%, corn raised, all organic Terminators that can shred your skin from bone in the blink of an eye! This right here? Slaps McKill? He knows how to clean, gut, and dress an entire hog in less than 15 minutes. THAT’S the kinda violence you people kept calling for.
(Slaps cracks his neck as Jesse laughs.)
Jesse Russow: Because what have they given you to satiate your bloodthirst!? Huh? You’ve got some syrup sluggin’ Sally named “Devon Ryder” representing your HARDCORE division!? Really!? I gotta deal with another fuckhole named “Ryder” don’t you people have a SCREENING process for this kinda shit!? My GOD you all suck. Lemme guess his finisher is something stupid called like the “Ryder Die” or something…FUCK outta here with that political bullshit. “I’m everything Fox News hates!” Dumbass. That’s their whole THING. They hate EVERYTHING.
(Jesse spits into the fire as Slaps starts to take his coat off.)
Jesse Russow: We move from one boring ass box-office bomb to the NEXT boring-ass box office bomb. Look who “found her smile” again and got her Unified or United or Useless title back!!! YAY ALEXIS! GOOD for you, sugar tits! OPE! And I see Cleo Phillips finally won the big one! You go girl! Man, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say there was a genesis in PWS and it’s experiencing a new golden age, don’t you think Slaps!?
Slaps McKill: Nope.
Jesse Russow: Always with the dynamite commentary. But let’s get real now…because you’ve given us our first match that’s already got us well and pissed off. I don’t mind tagging with this Death Machine from time to time but it’s important YOU all realize that we? We aren’t here to take over the tag division. We’re not here to take over the Collateral Damage division. We’re here to LIBERATE…EVERY DIVISION. And the BEST you could give us…is the “Hell Hounds”? What the actual titty-lovin’ FUCK were you thinking? See…this is what happens when David Shane gets to make any sort of decisions. You get piss ass tag teams like this running amok thinking they’re gonna be the next big thing and honestly nothing makes me wanna desecrate a corpse in a church more, eh Slaps?
Slaps McKill: Yep.
Jesse Russow: What the FUCK is a ‘Grog Tusktooth”?...let that sink in…thats the NAME this dense motherfucker DEMANDS to be called. He looks like every other generic overweight jock that couldn’t get a scholarship to college so he tried to become a cop and then when that didn’t work, he went to the only place he could bully people. D&D. What…did you think I was gonna say pro wrestling? THAT blockhead motherfucker ain’t never wrestled a GOTDAMN day in his life and I’m gonna prove it to you all. But he also has this little twit fluttering around him all the time named…Jester…Bailey…uhhhhh huh…
CRITICAL ROLE IS GOING TO LITERALLY SUE YOUR ASSES.Jesse Russow: That being said, I’m certain she’s probably a LOVELY little Southern Belle at heart but this is not the place for roleplaying games…this is not a fantasy world where you think you can just roll some dice and some flowy haired weird-ass Fuck tells you if you win or not and asks you how you wanna do this. This ISN’T. FUCKING. D&D. I SWEAR TO CHRIST I’M GONNA-
(All of a sudden…Slaps raises his hand against Jesse’s chest. Jesse backs down as Slap cracks his shoulders.)
Slaps McKill: I personally love D&D. I miss going to D&D Night. I miss a lot of things…a lot of precious, precious things near and dear to my heart. And they were all…ripped…from me. So let me put this in a way you can easily understand. When you step into that ring…you’re in the middle of the red dragon’s horde. And when I get there and notice someone else is wearing MY GOLD…I’m going to eviscerate every possible thief placed in my way. So come, Grog Tusktooth. Steel your nerves, summon your bravery, and FIND me on the battlefield. Just do not be surprised if I cave your skull in with my bare hands. Because you have found this dragon in the foulest of moods…and for what I am about to do to you I am really…truly…sorry.
(Jesse puts his hand on Slaps shoulder.)
Jesse Russow: It’s time…Exterminate.
(As soon as he says that Slap’s head drops and he goes absolutely silent as Jesse takes four or five steps back as Slaps starts breathing so heavy youd think he just ran a marathon but with one fluid motion he throws his arms up in the air pumping them down slowly beside him as he unleashes the most fearsome, belly-filled, pained roar we’ve ever heard as Jesse looks into the camera.)
Jesse Russow: You were warned…bitch.
(End)