Post by Dionysus on Mar 31, 2021 23:50:13 GMT -5
*April 1st, 2021. Fans who log onto PWS: Apex's website are greeted, rather than an April Fool's joke, by a rather ominous-looking video, simply titled "One More Warning". It's in the top banner of the website, and the lettering on it is bold and crimson. As people click, they're greeted by a black screen, followed by flashes, in white letters, of the words: "YOU WERE WARNED", one right after the other, followed by the ANTITHESIS logo. The camera then cuts to static and comes back in on a darkened room, a man sitting on a stool, cast in shadow, holding something over his shoulder. The Lost Cause speaks.*
Jonathan Sanders: When I was a boy, growing up in Toronto, my mother used to tell me a tale.
*He rolls his wrists, grimacing from the pain, a smile spreading across his dimly-lit face.*
Jonathan Sanders: And this tale was one of Zeus. Upon learning that one of his sons was to be more powerful than he, Cronus took to swallowing them, one by one. Zeus was saved, and in the end, the premonitions came to pass. Zeus dethroned Cronus, driving him in defeat into Tartarus.
*The Lost Cause now brings his head up. His voice sounds a little different than usual. His face is shrouded in shadow.*
Jonathan Sanders: And in the pit of Tartarus, Cronus suffered. As do we all. This pitiful world is our Tartarus.
*His piercing eyes glare into the camera.*
Jonathan Sanders: And we are all someone else's Zeus. Casting them into the eternal pit for endless suffering! And when nothing remains of their soul, and they are left a broken, decayed husk, that is when we finally release them from their prison. Their kind defeated. Everyone they have ever loved either dead or suffering and it's their fault! And in the end, all that remains... is sadness.
*He briefly pauses.*
Jonathan Sanders(?): Sadness which I feel every moment of every day. Everything is torment and every second living on this planet is like my soul stepping on 1,000 Legos!
*He brings his hand up to the light suspended above him and clicks it on, revealing not the leading man of ANTITHESIS, but instead the self-proclaimed "President of Pro Wrestling" Mike Hawk. He's wearing white, Doink-esque face paint with black rings around the eyes, black lipstick applied badly, and also WAY too much of it, and a black female wig that's been hastily cut into a fringe over his left eye. He's wearing a shirt with "I'M SAD" written on it in big white letters wrapped in barbed wire and also on fire, with a little (TM) symbol beside them. His wrists are lined with white tape with red little sad faces on them. He's holding a poorly-done cardboard cutout of the Collateral Damage title belt, with the word 'Title' written across the front in marker. "Sanders" grimaces at the camera and then leans his head down.*
Mike Hawk: My name is Mo. Edwin Mo. And I'll take PWS: Apex by storm. Sad storm. A storm of sadness. Because I'm sad.
*When Hawk speaks, he intentionally does a bad Jonathan Sanders impression. He pauses to look back up at the camera.*
Edwin Mo: And with my two friends and teammates and lovers, we'll make short work of this sad roster. Also we're sad. But for different reasons. But also the same reasons - I'm really unclear about my intentions. But let me tell you this... I am a plague on this company. A sad plague. A sad plague of sadness, bitterness and anger. And hunger. I need a sandwich. A soggy sandwich. Because I don't deserve nice things. Nice things would make me happy. And I'm not happy. That's sort of my whole thing.
*He pauses again, this time probably just to build ambiance. Sad ambiance.*
Edwin Mo: And come Destiny, we'll beat our opponents in the only way we know how: by being dicks. Sad dicks. Morose cocks. Flaccid penises. Droopy wieners... where was I going with this? ...Oh, right. Don't just take my word for this, let's see what DIONYSUS thinks of this!
*Mike, upon saying this, pulls a sock puppet out of his intentionally way-too-torn jeans, putting it on his hand. The sock puppet has googly eyes on it, but otherwise is just a normal sock.*
Edwin Mo: So, Dionysus, what do you think of this company?
*Hawk, using the corner of his mouth, speaks in a high-pitched tone for the puppet as he moves it like a mouth.*
"Dionysus": I'm crazy!
*Hawk nods.*
Edwin Mo: You certainly are.
*He pulls off the sock puppet, putting one on the other hand. This one is a different kind of sock, and with googly eyes and angry eyebrows.*
Edwin Mo: And what do you think, Tyson Sykes?
*Mike once again speaks for the puppet.*
"Tyson Sykes": I'M ANGRY BECAUSE I'M BALD.
Edwin Mo: Well, you do say that a lot.
*He pulls the sock off of his hand, glaring holes through the camera as he puts both of the socks back into his pants.*
Edwin Mo: And when the sad wave of sadness washes over you like a sad bubble bath of sad nails on a cold summer day... like a bagel with too much cream cheese, because the right amount of cream cheese would make you happy... like a sad rock in the angry shoe of life... I forget where I was going with this. But just know... me, and the other two guys... we're sad. And angry. And crazy. And horny. But mostly sad!
*Suddenly, the door behind Hawk flies open, and Jonathan Sanders turns on a light, illuminating Hawk and showing him to be in ANTITHESIS's locker room.*
Jonathan Sanders: ...What the fuck is this!?
Mike Hawk: Uh...
Jonathan Sanders: DIONYSUS!
Mike Hawk: Fuck!
*He gets up from the stool, almost tripping over it in his panic. He turns to the camera quickly.*
Mike Hawk: RUN!
*He runs out of the room, Dionysus running into the room in hot pursuit, the camera being knocked over as the feed cuts to static.*
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OOC: April Fools!
I hope you all have a good one.
Jonathan Sanders: When I was a boy, growing up in Toronto, my mother used to tell me a tale.
*He rolls his wrists, grimacing from the pain, a smile spreading across his dimly-lit face.*
Jonathan Sanders: And this tale was one of Zeus. Upon learning that one of his sons was to be more powerful than he, Cronus took to swallowing them, one by one. Zeus was saved, and in the end, the premonitions came to pass. Zeus dethroned Cronus, driving him in defeat into Tartarus.
*The Lost Cause now brings his head up. His voice sounds a little different than usual. His face is shrouded in shadow.*
Jonathan Sanders: And in the pit of Tartarus, Cronus suffered. As do we all. This pitiful world is our Tartarus.
*His piercing eyes glare into the camera.*
Jonathan Sanders: And we are all someone else's Zeus. Casting them into the eternal pit for endless suffering! And when nothing remains of their soul, and they are left a broken, decayed husk, that is when we finally release them from their prison. Their kind defeated. Everyone they have ever loved either dead or suffering and it's their fault! And in the end, all that remains... is sadness.
*He briefly pauses.*
Jonathan Sanders(?): Sadness which I feel every moment of every day. Everything is torment and every second living on this planet is like my soul stepping on 1,000 Legos!
*He brings his hand up to the light suspended above him and clicks it on, revealing not the leading man of ANTITHESIS, but instead the self-proclaimed "President of Pro Wrestling" Mike Hawk. He's wearing white, Doink-esque face paint with black rings around the eyes, black lipstick applied badly, and also WAY too much of it, and a black female wig that's been hastily cut into a fringe over his left eye. He's wearing a shirt with "I'M SAD" written on it in big white letters wrapped in barbed wire and also on fire, with a little (TM) symbol beside them. His wrists are lined with white tape with red little sad faces on them. He's holding a poorly-done cardboard cutout of the Collateral Damage title belt, with the word 'Title' written across the front in marker. "Sanders" grimaces at the camera and then leans his head down.*
Mike Hawk: My name is Mo. Edwin Mo. And I'll take PWS: Apex by storm. Sad storm. A storm of sadness. Because I'm sad.
*When Hawk speaks, he intentionally does a bad Jonathan Sanders impression. He pauses to look back up at the camera.*
Edwin Mo: And with my two friends and teammates and lovers, we'll make short work of this sad roster. Also we're sad. But for different reasons. But also the same reasons - I'm really unclear about my intentions. But let me tell you this... I am a plague on this company. A sad plague. A sad plague of sadness, bitterness and anger. And hunger. I need a sandwich. A soggy sandwich. Because I don't deserve nice things. Nice things would make me happy. And I'm not happy. That's sort of my whole thing.
*He pauses again, this time probably just to build ambiance. Sad ambiance.*
Edwin Mo: And come Destiny, we'll beat our opponents in the only way we know how: by being dicks. Sad dicks. Morose cocks. Flaccid penises. Droopy wieners... where was I going with this? ...Oh, right. Don't just take my word for this, let's see what DIONYSUS thinks of this!
*Mike, upon saying this, pulls a sock puppet out of his intentionally way-too-torn jeans, putting it on his hand. The sock puppet has googly eyes on it, but otherwise is just a normal sock.*
Edwin Mo: So, Dionysus, what do you think of this company?
*Hawk, using the corner of his mouth, speaks in a high-pitched tone for the puppet as he moves it like a mouth.*
"Dionysus": I'm crazy!
*Hawk nods.*
Edwin Mo: You certainly are.
*He pulls off the sock puppet, putting one on the other hand. This one is a different kind of sock, and with googly eyes and angry eyebrows.*
Edwin Mo: And what do you think, Tyson Sykes?
*Mike once again speaks for the puppet.*
"Tyson Sykes": I'M ANGRY BECAUSE I'M BALD.
Edwin Mo: Well, you do say that a lot.
*He pulls the sock off of his hand, glaring holes through the camera as he puts both of the socks back into his pants.*
Edwin Mo: And when the sad wave of sadness washes over you like a sad bubble bath of sad nails on a cold summer day... like a bagel with too much cream cheese, because the right amount of cream cheese would make you happy... like a sad rock in the angry shoe of life... I forget where I was going with this. But just know... me, and the other two guys... we're sad. And angry. And crazy. And horny. But mostly sad!
*Suddenly, the door behind Hawk flies open, and Jonathan Sanders turns on a light, illuminating Hawk and showing him to be in ANTITHESIS's locker room.*
Jonathan Sanders: ...What the fuck is this!?
Mike Hawk: Uh...
Jonathan Sanders: DIONYSUS!
Mike Hawk: Fuck!
*He gets up from the stool, almost tripping over it in his panic. He turns to the camera quickly.*
Mike Hawk: RUN!
*He runs out of the room, Dionysus running into the room in hot pursuit, the camera being knocked over as the feed cuts to static.*
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OOC: April Fools!
I hope you all have a good one.
